Including Children in your Wedding
Including children can add charm and meaning to a wedding ceremony. Children give us license to play while still maintaining the dignity of the occasion. However, children also introduce an element of uncertainty. Some may get shy or scared and may even cry. It’s not a disaster, and your guests will understand. However, it’s best to discuss with parents in advance what is to be done if this happens. Decide who will rise and go to the child’s aid if he or she becomes overly stressed. If a child starts to cry it is best to have a comforting parent or other adult take him or her away from the ceremony until the episode passes. Sometimes children are less fearful if they are allowed to walk in together, or if a favorite toy is woven into the ceremony.
Many children are less afraid when they are paired or are part of a group, so consider adding touches like shared songs. Giving selected children soft bells to ring to signal the start of the ceremony can be a lovely addition. You may want to ask the children themselves how they would like to enter so they feel they have some control. Another option for very young or timid children is to have the child pulled in a decorative toy car or wagon by an older child or adult, adding a whimsical touch to the ceremony.
Most children love to participate in weddings and thrive on manageable challenges. When giving instructions to children, keep them simple. For example: “Walk up to the minister and then go to your mommy; throw flower petals all along the way.” Because of the importance of the rings, consider having ring bearers carry fake rings while the best man or other adult holds the real rings.
More often than not, the unpredictable behavior of children brings humor and fun to a wedding and creates fond memories. Be prepared to accept that a child’s perception of the event may be different than your own, and embrace whatever contributions participating children may offer! As you plan, here are some tips and thoughts to keep in mind:
- If you have children from a previous relationship, consider how you might include them in the ceremony language. Talk to your officiant.
- Ask children how they want to participate; give them a choice and honor their feelings.
- Don't pressure them to be involved in ways that make them uncomfortable.
- Seat parents where their children can see them.
- If young children are in the ceremony, have a plan in case they get scared or shy.
- If children wear formal clothing the ceremony, arrange for a change of clothing for afterward.
- Utilize sitters and cry rooms (when available), and consider seating kids near the back or where parents can have an easy exit plan if needed.
- Bring coloring books and crayons to lengthy receptions and other gatherings.
Loving Ceremonies
in Northern Michigan
Member, American Association of Wedding Officiants
Web design by Wise Rabbit
Copyright © 2011 Monica Farrier. All rights reserved.
Some roles for children, before, during and after the wedding ceremony:
- Handing out programs
- Taking pictures
- Making wedding favors
- Giving wedding favors to guests
- Reminding guests to sign guest books
- Tossing rose petals
- Addressing and stuffing envelopes (or even making wedding invitations)
For more ideas (and some very cute photos!), visit these favorite sites:
Photo courtesy of Daniel Gaines Photography
Photo by William Chan
